Nightmares or Wishes?

On Thursday night I had a dream that I was getting married. I was going to be wearing my mother's wedding dress and marrying this guy. I couldn't see the guy's face so don't ask who it was. My Aunt Trudy was helping me get ready and as I started to put on my mother's dress, it turned black and became really short and tight. I mean really short...like stopped at my stomach. So I started screaming and my Aunt Trudy came running and we both freaked out. The groom came running to the dressing room of the church and took one look at me and said "I can't marry you." and walked off. I took off the too tight dress and threw on some clothes but it was too late. He was gone. Then a friend of mine from the Virginia BJ's (his nickname is Shaggy.) walks past me and I grab his arm and say "Do you want to marry me?" He shrugs his shoulders and says "Okay." So my Aunt Trudy grabs him, throws a tux on him (don't know where she got it) and get's him ready while they try to find a dress for me to wear. Then I try to finish getting ready and my hair becomes a mess, my makeup is running, my shoes don't fit...everything that could go wrong, is. So I'm sitting on the floor crying, and my Aunt comes and sits next to me and as she's trying to console me, she turns into Marlena from Days of our Lives. I swear to god it was her. I don't know whether or not I made it down the aisle cause the alarm went off.

Okay, next dream...Last night I had a dream that I was dating Joe again (ill) and I couldn't get ahold of him cause he was in the Army. I tried calling his mom but she wouldn't help cause she's a bitch and doesn't want me to have anything to do with her son. As I'm frantically calling every phone number I could think of, he just suddenly appears in front of me and says "I know you've been looking for me and I'm finally here. But I...." and the damn alarm went off again!

So people, do I subconsciously miss Joe Kraft, my ex-boyfriend who was a jerk even though I love Jim dearly and wouldn't trade him for anything in the world or do I secretly want to see Joe again because I had no closure? And about the other dream...do I actually want to marry Jim or do I just want to get married to get married, especially since I basically just picked some random guy in my dream to get married too? Help me here! I need advice!

New Tax Laws

Subject: New Tax Laws


The only thing the I.R.S. has not taxed is the penis. This is due to the fact that:

40% of the time it's hanging around unemployed,
20% of the time it's pissed off,
30% of the time it's hard up,
10% of the time it's in the hole.

On top of all this, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Accordingly, starting January 1, 1998, penises will be taxed according to size. To determine this category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information on Page 2, Section 7, Line 3, of the standard 1040P form.

10 to 12 inches Luxury Tax $50.00
8 to 10 inches Pole Tax $30.00
6 to 8 inches Privilege Tax $15.00
4 to 6 inches Nuisance Tax $ 5.00


PLEASE NOTE: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for
a refund. Males exceeding 12 inches must file Capital Gains

PLEASE! DO NOT REQUEST AN EXTENSION!!!

Sincerely,


Pecker Checker
Internal Revenue Service



Hope you all enjoy!

I'm being lazy

It's Monday and holy cow I have off from both jobs today. Yippee! I have a list of things to do today and no one around to tell me to do it. Since it's almost a quarter to 3pm, this is the stuff I should have already done today:

*taken a shower
*gone to PepBoys and gotten an inspection and oil change
*updated the blog
*clean the house
*watch Days (Marlena's the killer!)
*typed up some of my story's
*gone to get a NYS license since I still have the Virginia one and my car insurance doesn't like that fact
*cut my hair

Here's what I have done today:
*woke up at 9am and checked email and played games online
*went back to bed at 10am and slept until 2pm
*ate some Froot Loops
*updated the blog

So I'm a little behind on some things..oh well. I guess I'll just have to do some stuff before work tomorrow because I just got my new Cosmo in the mail and I'm not moving from the couch. I wonder what Jim's gonna say when he gets home from work. Don't really care. I'll just give him my cutest little "but I made you dinner" smile...Crap now I have to go to the store. Oh well, hope everyone has a good day. :)

Little Life Rules

Just thought I would share with everyone something I had created a couple of years ago to put a smile on my face whenever I was down. Hope you enjoy.

Little Life Rules:

Don't do too many drugs
make many friends
don't have sex until you're ready
kiss alot
never drive with the emergency brake on
always use your blinkers
never wear white socks with brown sandals
it looks really tacky
do wear pants
don't bomb your place of employment
just kill off your boss
never flirt with ten men (or women) at a time even if you think it's a good idea....it'll only backfire on you in the end
do believe in one true love
respect your parents
never roast marshmallows over the toaster
never throw cats out the window
they don't always land on their feet
follow your dreams....never follow someone else's
use an umbrella when it rains
stay in bed with a good book when it snows
don't listen to love songs when you're sad...they always end up making you feel worse
cornbread (random thought :))
nothing is impossible
always make sure you have enough gas before you leave
save pennies
take the road less traveled
believe in magic
if you're hot, take your clothes off
if you're cold, put clothes on
don't smoke before you have to run ten miles...you won't even finish the first mile
remember, i before e except after c
stay in the lines
don't take up more than one parking space
it's very annoying
make long lasting friends...so you can drive them crazy the same way they do you
reduce, recycle, reuse..especially if you have no money for cigarettes..those little butts come in handy
don't watch talk tv-trash, trash, trash (but only if you're not a redneck-they live for that stuff)
be careful when you zip up your pants
dance
read a children's story (spot has a red ball...)
don't procrastinate...especially when you have to pee
do homework
don't swim in a polluted lake
never pee in a pool...it's just not nice
masturbate whenever the mood strikes ("I need a price check on cucumbers...")
cut your hair...it'll grow back
laugh out loud...it's good for the soul
play a sport even if it's table tennis
never try to lift anyone who's bigger than you
spay and neuter your cats or else your house will smell BAD
obey stoplights
never sleep with a stranger...find out their name first
look both ways before you cross the street
always lock your doors
never blow off a friend...that's what bj's are for
if you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi
be a trend setter
take lots of pictures...your memory may fade but they won't
write love letters
don't let anyone bully you around
Tupac (another random thought)
MAKE LOVE NOT WAR WITH THE CLASS OF '94
read
sing as badly as you can in the shower..who's gonna hear you anyway?
smile even if you want to kill the asshole in front of you
say your prayers...even for the people you don't like very much
and always remember....life is what happens when you're making other plans
so get going
don't just sit there
enjoy life to its fullest


So that's it. I hope you all enjoyed it and if there are little life rules you think I should include you can either leave a comment or email me at vacrakgirl@hotmail.com. Talk to you all later.

Life

Hello everyone! Let me just tell you how much I need a vacation! Working two jobs just to make ends meet kinda sucks. I really need to finish my novel and get it sent out to some publishers. Not just for money but it would be great to see my name on something I created. Something that is all mine. I've been writing since I was in ninth grade; poetry at first but then short stories about my friends and eventually I decided to venture into writing a novel. The one I really want to get published is about a woman who catches her husband cheating with her best friend. She goes through all these different phases. Denial, anger, depression, and finally closure and contentment. I would love to get this out. It's the closest thing to my real life I've ever written. Which also makes me extremely vulnerable. But I'm willing to put myself out there for the first time in my life. Now if I could only find an agent. :)

Anyways, yesterday at work I ran into a couple of people from high school and I found out that our ten year reunion is coming up this year. Holy shit! Has it really been that long already? It feels like just yesterday I was laughing at my locker with my best friend (Hi Nocian!) about all the stupid fire alarms and sighing as our crushes walked past us. Walking around during class and getting away with it 'cause we were "with yearbook". I miss high school. Nocian and I still get together and reminisce about high school. It always puts a smile on our faces but you can't live in the past forever.

So that's all for now....My 6 year old niece is over watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and she won't stop asking questions. Til later.

So let's see. Today I went to work for The Health Association which isn't really working anyway. I'll tell you why. I babysit my two stepbrothers aged 9 years and 5 years old. They were fine today mainly because they were both drugged due to being autistic. Now they aren't Rainman or anything. They are pretty much normal kids except for when you tell them they can't have anything in which case their heads started spinning around and green vomit comes shooting out of their mouths. Anyway, the problem today wasn't with them; it was with my father who wasn't even there.

See back in 2001 my mother died and we didn't want to stay in the apartment that reminded us so much of my mother everywhere we turned around. So we decided to move. No problem there. Unfortunately, my father decided to go on a throwing out spree. If he didn't use it, he threw it out. Which is great...for his stuff. Unbeknowing to my brother and I he threw out some of our stuff...sentimental stuff. We just didn't know it until last Christmas.

So fast forward to the Christmas season 2003. It was the first time since my mother died that we were actually going to decorate for Christmas. Get out the tree, lights, ornaments, stockings, wall stuff...everything. So my brother and I went on a search for the 6 boxes (yes 6) labeled in black Sharpie "CHRISTMAS STUFF". We searched everywhere...found 1 box. So I asked my dad "Hey dad. Remember when you said you got everything out of the basement when we moved? Did you get the Christmas boxes?" His reply " Uh, I think so." Yeah, that means no. "Dad, where's the Christmas tree?" His reply "I threw it out. It had mildew on the box." "DAD! DID YOU GET THE DECORATIONS OUT OF THAT BOX BEFORE YOU THREW IT OUT?"
"Uh, I think so." Which leads us to today.

We lost a lot of stuff when the stupidity of man overtook my father's brain. He and I argued about it for about 2 weeks...me crying because I lost stuff that had belonged to my mother...stuff my grandmother had made....sentimental stuff. And mind you, none of it has been replaced yet. So what do I see when I walked into my dad's apartment today? A Christmas tree. Yeah, in the middle of February. It's still in the box and stepmother just went on and on about how it was only $20 and it's got the lights on it all ready and Oh I could just gag myself with a spoon. But here's the best part...the best. They now have 2 (count 'em 1, 2) trees for Christmas. I have none. I have no decorations...they have tons. So I just sat there nodding my head and grinning at her today while what I really wanted to do was start screaming and throwing a tantrum like her rotten children do. Well, I'm just a little bitter. Gotta go smoke.