Good Day!

This has been a very good day off. First I had to babysat my stepbrother for 3 hours and I was out by 2:30pm. Then I headed over to my best friend's house and we watched Paycheck (that was really good actually), then off to Wally World to buy a few H&B stuff and put some $ down on my layaway for camping in June. Then a nice lunch at Applebee's with Nocian and Joey. We stuffed ourselves, spent too much but we had fun. Back to my house to play a little Canasta and then I took them home. Once I got home, Jim had something in mind as soon as I walked in the door at 8:30pm. A shower and an 1 1/2 hours later and I have a smile on my face for the first time in a long time. Thank you my friends for giving me a smiling stress free day all day long. I'm off to bed to do some reading and some cuddling. Later :)

What is ....I mean, where did....oh fuck it!

I have nothing good to say about anything today because it's 9:30am and I'm wide awake after having to wake up at 5am for the past week. I've forgotten many things this week such as my name, how to do my job, my paycheck, and that I pay $65 a month to go workout and haven't done that in over 2 weeks. My life is really sad people. Wanna know when my next day off is? I don't know 'cause I'm working every freakin' day next week. My last day off was father's day. It feels like that was weeks ago but maybe it was only a week ago. Who knows? I'm gonna finish eating breakfast and then go to RAC...if I can remember how to get there.

I think I've just done the dumbest thing in the world. Today my ex-boyfriend's mother came in to BJ's to shop and for some reason, I stopped her and told her that I needed closure with Joe and if I could possibly get his phone number. She asked for mine instead and me being stupid, I did. And now I am freakin' out 'cause I probably should have talked to Jim first about it and what the hell is he gonna do if this guy calls and he answers the phone? SHIT!

So here's the deal about Joe: Joe and I dated for 1 1/2 years back in 99-00. He was the younger man and I was just happy he wasn't gay. Anyway, we had a turbulent year and a half in which I went back to school and he joined the Army. After bootcamp he decided he didn't want to be in the Army so he tried just saying he wanted to kill himself and that landed him in R wing of Strong. Anyway, he ended up having to go back and they told him that they would probably discharge him because of everything. So we thought great in a week he would be back and everything would be back to normal. Well, that didn't happen. The day he left to go to Georgia he said I love you and I'll see you in a week. Well, a week turned into 2 weeks which turned into months which turned into years. His mother broke up with me for him over the phone about 2 months after he left. I haven't seen or heard from him since that day in February back in '00.

Now you are probably all wondering why the hell I would even want to talk to this jerk when I have the greatest boyfriend on earth and I wouldn't trade for anyone in the world. Because I have no closure with him. I don't want anything to do with him. I don't love him but part of my past hasn't been closed all the way and I feel like I need to do this not only for myself but for Jim as well. I hate having dreams about Joe and I'm screaming "Why didn't you ever call me? Why didn't you ever write?" and before as he starts to talk I wake up. I don't want to keep looking in the past when I should be looking towards the future with Jim.

I need help people. Now that I've done this I regret it. I feel like I've just compromised my relationship with Jim just to find out what happened to a past relationship that would have burned out in the end anyway. What do I do boys and girls? Someone tell me!

I miss cable

So here I am babysitting at my dad's house. The good news is that Ivan has been asleep since I got here at 6pm because he had a long day today, so he will sleep all night. The bad news is that I'm bored out of my mind. Good thing there's cable! There's just something about surfing through 100's of channels and still not finding anything to watch. It's amazing. So I've landed on VH-1 and holy shit "I love the 80's!" was on. I'm stuck on VH-1 for the rest of the night. Forget MTV, HBO, all that shit...I need to watch to try to remember why on earth we wore our hair that big and why I still love The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo's Fire, Sixteen Candles, NKOTB and all that other shit. I'm such a moron. But I love it. They might have to pry me off the couch tonight when they get home. Later.

-So this has been an interesting week. My dad and extended family went to Chicago and Wisconsin for a week so Jim and I got the privelege of taking care of Frasier, the family dog. I love that dog. He's about 4 years old but he still acts like a puppy. I love this dog...I wish my dad wasn't taking him when they moved in Chicago.

-There is a new group of us that go out for drinks after work whenever the mood strikes 'cause we hate our job. Actually we don't really hate our job we hate certain people that come in to our club and give us a hard time. Usually it just takes one person to ruin your day and sometimes it's within 5 minutes of walking in the door. So today I look forward to seeing PornStar, Breeder, Nipple Boy, and Baby. Good times people. Good times.

-A certain friend of mine had a dream that there were Orgy's going on in my house. "Welcome to Kim's Loveshack!"

-word of the week: Random
ex: "It's just random randomness happening." - Glaser

-This thursday is time for another evaluation at the RAC. I don't even want to go. Pretty sure I've gained weight. Maybe I should get back into my program. *sigh*

-This should be a really good week at work especially since I'm opening almost every damn day. At least I'll be able to work my other job and see my boyfriend. Thanks Rae!

I'm outta here. Gotta get ready for work. Later

Pissed off

Here's an over heard story today by me from a manager to an unknown person on the phone: "Instead of kicking him out of the priesthood, they are just sending him to a different church to molest people there." I hate BJ'S. I have to deal with stupid people and certain stupid managers all day long and now I find out that one of our good managers just got transferred to Webster and we're going to be getting a shitty manager that no one likes. Everyone sucks. There are people who take advantage of family relations and abusing priveleges (you know who you are) and then there are certain people who feel they have to rule everything even when it's not their job. I know how to do my job. Stay the hell out of my business. It felt like a damn Saturday and it's only Friday. I still have Saturday and Sunday to go in shithole. All the good people are leaving and all the bad people are staying and I'm pissed off. Except for Tina F., Rae and Angela I think I would seriously walk off.

My stepmother is driving me crazy as well. I don't want to hear anymore about them moving and the kids in summer school and who needs counseling and blah blah blah blah blah. I don't care. I don't want to know about new car and what my father says about this and what my brother should and shouldn't do. I don't care. I'm tired of hearing her talk down about my brother. He's my brother you stupid b**ch. Only I'm allowed to harass him. And do you really think you should be telling me every single detail about moving? Don't you think maybe my father should be telling me some of this since you know...he's MY FATHER! Thank God they are gonna be gone for a whole week.

*sigh* And to think I actually took my medicine today. What a waste.