Gotta love him

Scene: Drive home tonight after getting ice cream. The CD that has been playing in the car for the past year has been turned off and 94.1 has been turned on.

Hector: What the heck is this?

Me: It's Weezer. It came out when I was in high school. It's a good song.

Hector: Put the cd back on. I wanna hear something from this decade!


SMARTASS!

Yup, that's me

You feel that everything is going against you and you are worn out and exhausted by all the conflict and quarrelling. You are trying to protect yourself but at the same time you are hiding your feelings, hoping that by so doing, you can avoid exposing yourself to attack. Hopefully this will give you the chance to get on with your life. Nevertheless, you should be very careful to try to avoid stirring up any opposition which might endanger your plans:

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influenceand there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You are fed up with other people trying to influence you and you also feel that it is necessary to protect yourself from the threat that your independence and freedom may be restricted. You would just like to be left alone.

Officially a student

So I am all registered for school in January. I'm taking 5 classes but one is for only half the semester and one is online. Anyone ever take an online class before? Are they hard? If you need help, can you get it? Or are they just really simple as long as you actually read the book?

Jim and I are getting along so much better now that we don't live together. He spent the night last Thursday (shocking!) and then I spent the night at his house Sunday. I helped him make three different kinds of fudge that he's going to be handing out as Christmas presents. Sucks that his family is celebrating Christmas on Thanksgiving which means I won't see him for our normal Thursday night routine. Oh well. I'm starting to get used to this whole not seeing/calling him for days at a time. Does this mean that we are back together the way we were? No. Just means we are having fun. Honestly, I don't know what we are and I'm not in a hurry to use labels. I just know that I get butterflies again when I know I'm going to see him. "Giggle"

I'm still waiting to get back my security deposit from the old apartment. I wish they would hurry up with it already cause I have a list of things I need to buy and it just keeps getting longer. The first thing I have to buy are brakes for my car, then Christmas presents then new contacts. And then misc. stuff that I really don't want to buy but I have to cause I'm an adult and responsible adults buy shit that they need. Ugh.

Everyone have a happy Thanksgiving.

Snoopy Dance

I got my admittance letter in the mail today. Hooray! After I came down from cloud 9, I realized they had enrolled me in the wrong program. Hopefully, since I have registration on Monday, I can get that fixed. Anyone wants to send me money in the next 2 months to pay for this, I won't turn them down. Or you know, I'll take congratulations too. :)

Wish me luck

So I finished my application for school today. Let's hope something good comes out of this mess called my current life.

Feeling like a fish out of water

It hasn't been a week just yet and I feel so out of place. Nothing seems familiar here, although I used to be here constantly. I miss my old apartment where there was open spaces and no children. Where I knew where the garbage bags were and where the clean dishes go. When I didn't have to put my dog in her kennel when I wasn't home. How I at least had someone to come home to even though I knew we would fight. My life was predictable a week ago and now I'm trying to figure out the fastest way to get home.

I've already babysat twice this week so my roommate could go out with her new boyfriend. I'm happy that she finally has someone who is going to treat her right. I just wish I was going to wake up next to someone who loved me as well.

Do I miss Jim? Yes. I miss the Jim I fell in love with 5 years ago. Do I miss the Jim I just moved away from? No. He wasn't the same and frankly, neither am I.

Some days I feel like I can do anything and be anyone and other days, it's just a struggle to make it to 9pm. I know I can get through this...I've gotten through so much worse. I want so much to be a strong black woman like my mother was but sometimes I just feel like a little girl pretending that she fits in when all she really wants to do is hide from the world. I just want to be strong and independent and able to handle life's little and big curves.

Waiting...

for my head to explode from all the possibilities that could go wrong/right this coming weekend.

Trying to hang in there

Well, as of today, I officially move in 7 days. Holy crap! For the most part, the majority of my stuff is packed. I finished packing the rest of my kitchen stuff today and will keep using Jim's share of the cookware until I move since he doesn't seem to be moving until after me.

I have a lot of stuff to do still, but the list is slowly getting checked off. I finally have a computer desk so in 5 days, I will lose the internet for a few days while I move and get hooked back up. I'm still trying to figure out where a lot of my furniture is going to go but luckily, Jim has none so I've donated four or five pieces to him. I just wish he would hurry up already with the packing. Does he really need to keep all of his DVD's out just in case? It's driving me nuts but we are no longer together so, it's not my problem. But it still stresses me out and that becomes my mantra. "He's not my problem. He's not my problem."

It's very weird to realize that in 7 days, I will no longer be sleeping next to another human being after 5 years. Weird. I'm definitely looking forward to having my own bed again but it's still kinda weird. I'm sure I'll be lonely for awhile but I'll just make Abby get in the bed with me. She's good for hogging the bed.

Friday I woke up with the chills, aches, and a sore throat which means I didn't go to work that day. Also means that since I'm still sick (Sunday), I missed out on Erin's birthday bash, Jen's birthday bash, and Kacie's spaghetti dinner. I hate being sick and it seriously better go away before next Sunday.

That's all for now folks. Wish me a good move and hopefully everything will go smoothly.

Stressed the F*&% OUT

I'm starting to get really overwhelmed by everything going on in my life today. There is so much to do and not enough time/money to do it with. This month I have 3 birthdays I need to buy presents for. I'm moving and I have to do tons of address changes. I have to change my driver's license, car insurance, credit cards, cell phone, the list goes on.

Today I almost lost my mother's engagement ring. I had stopped wearing it about a year ago so that I wouldn't lose it and when I went to get it today to pack it, it wasn't in the firebox I had put it in. Last week I remembered seeing it when Jim went through it and today it wasn't there. I even drove all the way to Nocian's to look through the jewelry box I had already packed and it wasn't there. Luckily, when Jim came home he found it on his dresser. Why it was on his dresser I don't know nor do I really care. I found it and it's packed away and I know where it is now. It has been a very stressful day and it's only Wednesday. Today was my day off and all I did today was stress out about everything. My eyes still hurt from crying at 11am today. I just want this move to be over with and if Jim doesn't start packing his shit I'm tossing it on the curb and he can pack it from there

I'm still alive

It has been chaotic around my house lately. Pretty much as soon as I got back from Chicago, it was time to give our 30 day notice that we were moving and to start packing. I've moved 35 boxes to Jen's already and I still have a lot more to go. Jim found an apartment so I don't have to worry about that anymore.

Work is kicking my ass. Having to be at work everyday at 7am sucks but I like getting out at 1pm. I just wish I wasn't so tired come 6:30pm. Once this whole moving thing is over, I'm gonna get back into the swing of updating. Maybe I'll start a new blog about living with my godsons and best friend. I could name it something stupid like "Adventures with Roommates". Or not. Anyways, Chicago was fun and if you wanna see pics you're shit out of luck, cause I don't feel like uploading right now. But if anyone is interested in coming over and helping me pack/move, let me know.

Later.

Vacation soon...maybe with a friend

So my vacation to Chicago starts on Friday. Can't wait. Away from Jim and Rochester and get to go enjoy some family time that will make me want to not see them again for another year. Just joking. But I might have a friend going with me who just happened to get some time off from work. So that will be cool too.


I move in with my best friend on October 29th (which also happens to be her birthday). I'm able to bring my dog and that makes me happy. I'm just worried about the gas. Rent will be about $40 more a month but it includes everything and the distance is going to be about 15 minutes longer each way to work and home. So this could be interesting to see if I will actually save any money. Maybe I'll give up smoking.

I got the bakery position I put in for. There is so much less stress I don't believe it. I stay busy the whole time and before I know it I only have 20 minutes left before my shift is over. I really enjoy everything about it.

Everything seems to be coming together for me. So of course, I'm waiting for the bottom to drop.

9.11.01 Where were YOU?

I was asleep when the first plane hit. My brother came in to my room and woke me up.

"Hey, a plane just hit the World Trade Center."

After so many bombings there, I really didn't think anything of it. I figured the building would be fine and nothing really extraordinary had happened. I mumbled something to him.

"Get up. This is really bad. Think about all the alarms going off at ADT." I worked at ADT security services at the time. For some reason, thinking about how busy my dad would be ( he worked there too, different shift) got me out of bed and I turned on my tv. It shocked me. Black smoke billowing out of the tower. People jumping from buildings. It didn't seem real.

We were watching as the second plane hit, as the Pentagon was hit and as our President was in the air being flown to his bunker. When I heard that the Pentagon had been hit, I really started to get scared. I wasn't thinking clearly and remembered that the Pentagon was in Virginia and that Jim lived in Virginia. I just couldn't remember how far away he was from it. I started trying to call him on his cell but couldn't get through for about 15 minutes where by the time I got him on the phone I was almost hysterical thinking he may have some how been involved. Finally, he did answer and say that he was nowhere near it and that he was fine. Once I was off the phone with him I called my mother.

My mother had been hospitalized just a few days before. She had a plethora of health problems with her heart and kidneys and I was worried that if she was watching what was happening to our country she would have another heart attack. Luckily, she answered right away but was already watching. It was hard not too. It was playing on every station.

I remember going into work that night and being able to look up accounts from the area and to realize that our operators here in Rochester had spoken to people who might not have made it out alive. There were alot of tears and shock at work that night.

I will never forget all that our country has lost.

I'm Back!

Did you miss me?

So I've been doing a lot of soul searching these past few weeks and here's what I've come up with. That I'm still just as fucked up as I was a few weeks ago but with more direction.

But here are some things I going to change and things I've learned about myself.

• I will be moving the first weekend of November. I will be done paying Jim in October and we can now move out without me having to worry about my debt to him. Hooray!
• I am moving in with one of two people. A friend from work who just bought a house and wants people to move in with her to help pay the mortgage. She'll let me bring my Abby so as long as her dogs and mine get along it's a done deal. If that doesn't work out 'cause of the dog, I'm moving in with my best friend cause she loves me and I love her. Why don't I just move in with her instead? 'Cause for as much as I love her and my godsons, I could possibly strangle them in their sleep on a bad day. That's why. Let's just keep our fingers crossed with the first one.
• In January, I will be going back to school. I haven't registered yet 'cause they are still doing the winter semester but that will give me time to get financial aid/loans. Plus, I was thinking about going back in like 2 weeks but I would miss a week of school from my Chicago vacation. And quite frankly, if I'm gonna miss school, I would rather it be closer to the end of the semester instead of the beginning.
• I've realized that I love music. My best friend was going through my mp3's the other day and every song she clicked on I knew the artist within the first 2 beats of the song. Growing up I used to sing all the time but when Jim and I started going out, I stopped because he told me I had a horrible singing voice. Sad that I would give up something I really enjoying doing (no matter how badly) for a man. I lost part of myself when I stopped singing. I should have never have given up something that can put a smile on my face. I'm trying to get it back.
• I've realized that there are some things in this life that really don't require such drastic obsessive thinkings about. (Does that even make any sense?) Some things really are that simple. Slowly, I am learning that I don't have to follow the crowd. I don't have to be part of the herd. I really can be my own person and be happy with myself and know that people will still be my friend even if I don't want to do something. It's the most amazing thing.
  
• I have 3 close friends that are the most amazing people ever. I see each of them at least once a week. The weird part? They really don't know each other that well. They've heard me talk bout each other but none of them actually hang out with each other unless I'm involved. I love my friends. They each bring out a different side of me. Is it sad that I only have 3 close friends? I don't think so. It just means I have a deeper connection with them. I love it.
  
• Something else I've figured out is that I'm really not that worried about having a guy in my life once Jim and I go our seperate ways. I'm sure I'll be a little sad at first and we'll still remain friends but I'm not obsessing over not having a guy in my life. This phase is all about me! I can't wait to see where this leads.

Oh by the way, happy birthday to the August babies! Colleen, Ryan, Ivan and me!

Out to find myself

I know I should be updating this more often but quite frankly, my life is sorta kinda out of control and I don't know what to write about and I have to try to wrap my mind around some stuff and figure out what in the hell I'm doing. So I'm taking a break from this blog until sometime near my birthday (august 30th). I'll be back eventually. I just gotta figure out who the heck I am.

In the meantime, I want everyone to delurk! If you visit here, leave me a comment. I'm interested to find out who it is that visits here.

Can You Fix me?

Sometimes I just feel if I was beautiful everything would be okay. I want it to be like the movies where the ugly ducking grows into this beautiful woman and everyone loves her and the movie ends happily ever after.

I just want to scream!

It just feels like there is something missing from my life. I'm not happy. I've isolated myself lately from my friends. I desperately want to feel connected to someone on some level and I just don't seem to be able to.

I want someone that says "bless you" when I sneeze. I want someone who tells me I'm beautiful every few days. Someone that says "yes I love you" without it sounding like they are saying that to their mother. I want to be loved passionately and deeply.

I want to be normal. I want to be unique. I want to be thin. I want to be beautiful. I want to be able to laugh and not have it feel so alien to me. I want to be something...anything.

I want to feel alive again.



When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
when you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
~coldplay

Dear Mom

On Monday, you would be turning 57. Instead of telling everyone what you have missed in the almost 5 years you've been gone, I've decided to celebrate your life through pictures. In the 52 years you were alive you have been a daughter.




a wife

a mother
a grandmother




Happy Birthday.

What am I forgetting?

I keep staring at the calendar trying to figure out why today feels so important and for the life of me I can't figure it out. As far as I can tell, there are no birthdays, anniversary's, weddings or deaths that I'm aware of. It's driving me nuts thinking that I'm forgetting something. Ugh.

the sky's before the fireworks

Happy belated Birthday USA

June '06 in Review

I know that some of you may have already read this over on my myspace account, but I'm being lazy and really don't have anything new to blog about so just deal with it. Alrightie?

I figured I would do a "month in review" cause I figured it would be a good way to put things in perspective. On with the show!

On June 1st, I participated in my very first marathon. Ever. It was the JP Morgan Chase Corporate 5K Challenge. It was something that I quite honestly, I wasn't sure if I would be able to do. But with daily walks with Kacie and support from my co-workers I finished in an hour. I impressed myself. Do I think I will do another one? Probably.

On June 15th I saw an ex-boyfriend I haven't seen in YEARS. All I have to say about that topic is that "He's an ASSHOLE!" Moving on.

On June 21st, my youngest godson, Joe, graduated from kindergarten. I can't believe he's going to be 6 years old next month. Where did the time go? Can all the kids in my life possibly stop growing? They are getting too big!

June 23rd, I saw my friend Maica, that once again I haven't seen since I moved to Virginia. I missed her so much and she really did help me to put my life in perspective. Thank you, Maica darling, for being a good friend to me!

Of course June 24th, Greg and Rae threw another awesome party. It was the best time I've had in a long time and yea for going to work the next day on only 3 hours sleep. And I thought I was getting old! HA!

So that's my month in review. Can't wait to see what July brings.

Trying to let go

So I sent that letter off to Army Boy. Have I gotten a response? No. Was I really expecting one? No.

It was therapeutic writing that letter. I didn't yell or write hateful things. Just that I wanted to talk. Once it was in the mailbox, I instantly regret it but after a few days, I realized that for me, mailing that letter was closure. I was able to communicate with him now whereas six years ago, I couldn't. So although I will never get a response I am okay with it. Do I hate him the way I did all those years ago? No. He seems to have moved on and doesn't seem as stuck in the past as I am. But I'm trying.

Am I content with my life right now? I don't know. It depends on the day. For the most part, yeah. I can pay my bills every month. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I have my friends that I would do almost anything for. I have my family. My life really isn't all that bad.

Am I done living in the past? I'd like to think so. Am I eager to see what the future brings me? Absolutely.

Unexpectedly facing one of my demons

Last night, at around 8:45pm, I came face to face with a demon from my past. Army Boy.
I'd like to say that it didn't bother me at all but it did. Here's the story.

Back in '99 I met Joe through an ex-boyfriend. Within the first 4 hours of meeting, he told me he loved me and from there the fire burned intense. We were always together and we ( I truly believed) loved each other very much. But there was one small problem with our relationship. He was 16. I was 22. His mother hated me. Things were turbulent for the year and a half we were together.

I'm not sure who Laura hated more. Me or her son. It seemed she was always calling the police on him because he would say or do something he didn't like. She called the police so many times that they finally yelled at her that they weren't a chauffeur service for her to take her son to his girlfriend's house. But she would also call my dad and tell him these outrageous stories about her Joe and I were planning on eloping. She is crazy.

Joe had decided to enroll in the army for a few reasons. One to get away from his mom and two because he dropped out of high school, got his GED and was working at Pizza Hut. He had no focuse or future for his life.

It was really really hard went he went to boot camp. He was stressed. I was stressed. After his graduation, he decided he didn't want to be in the army anymore so he decided to say if he had to go back he would commit suicide. So he went to Strong Hospital and he was admitted to the psychiatric ward where he was for a week. After he got out, his recruiter told him that he had to report for duty but that he would probably get discharged. The day he left to go back to Georgia we said I love you to each other and he said he would see me in a week.

I never heard from him again until this past Thursday.

His mom broke up with me for him about two months after he left. She told me that he didn't want to talk to me. And I cried. I cried for a long time. I was still trying to get over him and deal with his silence when Jim came back from Virginia for a visit. I hadn't gotten completely over Joe when Jim and I started dating. But I figured I would never see or hear from Joe again so I never fully dealt with all the emotions his leaving gave me.

It was very akward seeing him and his friend on monroe Ave. He looked just as uncomfortable as I felt and all I wanted to do was run away. I could kick myself now because there were so many things I've been wanting to say to him for the past six years and I just stood there like a dork. Bah.
Now it's time to deal with my emotions 'cause seeing him again especially so close to my home, means that I have a lot of anger towards him still. And it's not healthy to harbor so much anger for 6 years. I'm writing him a letter to tell him I need to talk and that I hope he can give me some closure. We'll see what happens.

Well that was stupid. I just posted but because i had started it back in May, it's not coming up as the most recent. Here's the link.

I AM A FIGHTER

After all you put me through
You'd think I despise you
But in the end, I wanna thank you
'Cause you make me that much stronger

When I, thought I knew you
Thinking that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
Called your bluff, time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter


Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming
All of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard you're going round
Playing the victim now
But don't even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
No more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now
And never back down
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter


Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust, so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
You won't stop me

I am a fighter and I
I ain't goin' stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Thought I would forget
But I remember
I remember
I'll remember, I'll remember

Thought I would forget
But I remember
I remember
I'll remember, I'll remember

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

wow

There is so much to say but I still have to wrap my mind around it all. How could 4 minutes out of my 24 hour day be so drastic? I'll have more tomorrow maybe. I'm still trying to digest it all and get my sanity back...not that I ever had it.

love hate relationship

There are some changes coming up in the deli department that I can't really talk about just yet 'cause well, nothing is definite yet. Some of these changes make me happy. Others not so much. Hopefully the changes will be good enough that I won't have to hurt anyone.

Conversations Wholesale Style

Member: Are you the supervisor? We just spilled some juice over in aisle 25.

Red-haired supervisor: Want me to show you where the mop is?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Member standing at the Chicken Rotisserie: How do you cut it?

Deli Clerk: The chicken?

Member: Yeah. How do you cut it?

Deli Clerk: With a knife.

So I just got back from walking the 5K and I finished it in 1:15:03. But in my own defense, it was my first marathon and it took us 15 minutes before we even crossed the start line to actually begin. I've tired, sweaty and ready for alcohol.

Later.

Rant

I really really need a vacation from my life because right now, it has no direction. I'm doing absolutely nothing that I thought I would be doing at the age of 29. I thought I would be working in journalism, married with two kids. Instead, I'm working in a deli, single with no chance of having kids in the forseeable future. And I don't know how to change any of it. I know how to change the deli part but unfortunately there are no jobs right now in NY that I want to be doing. And to do what I want to anyway, I have to go back to school. But there's no money to go back to school because I work in a deli where I only make a little over $9 an hour. Which six years ago, would have been great. But everything is more expensive and I can barely make ends meet. I'm just miserable and fed up with my life and something drastic has to change or else I'm gonna go nuts.

I've thought about moving to Chicago to be with my dad but I don't want to leave my brother, niece and friends. Plus, it's more expensive there to live than it is here. My whole life justs feels like it's at a dead end and this is all there is for me for the rest of my life: get up, go to work, hate every second of it, go home, fight with boyfriend, go to sleep, wake up, repeat.

And when did people I went to high school with suddenly become so much more sophisticated than me? They weren't that sophisticated in high school. I feel so inadequate next to some of them, I just want to stay in bed all day. Did I not go to school the day they were handing out the awards for intellect, maturity, you have to act like you're 45 for the rest of your life? I feel like I haven't grown up in the past 8 years. I've just been stagnant. Like I don't know how to have a conversation with someone without making a joke about everything.

I'm just so frustrated with my life and the direction it's going. Erase that. The direction it's not going because it doesn't seem to be going at all.

Everything blows.

Rules

It's been a while since I've posted any rules for shopping at BJ'S. After people watching and being stuck serving these "members", I've decided that you all need to know how to act when you are at the deli/rotisserie.

1. If you are the only member there, don't take a number. We won't push the button to make you feel special that you are next. It's annoying to have to forward through 30 numbers and hear the stupid "ding dong" of the bell when we haven't had 30 people that day or in fact, in two days. Don't do it.
2. When I ask if I can help you, don't say yes and then not tell me what you need cause you haven't decided yet. I probably have other annoying things to be doing and only so much time to do them in. I don't want to stand in front of you for 5 minutes while you try to figure out what kind of ham you want. When you're actually ready, let me know then.
3. I'm going to ask you how much you want and how you want it sliced. Don't walk away after these two questions because after I slice the first slice, I'm going to show it to you to make sure it's the thinness/thickness you want. It's really fucking annoying to turn around and hold up a piece of meat in the air and to have no one there. Stay the fuck there or else I'm not cutting your meat.
4. If you have kids, don't be annoying and ask if I can give them a few "sample" slices. This ain't Wegmans. They are your kids and you know they are going to get hungry. Bring some snacks from home if you are going to be away for awhile. Don't count on us to feed your brats.
5. Don't assume that just because I have to wear a white stupid jacket that I know anything about the meat department. I don't. I work in the deli. I don't know what kind of meat you need to make pulled pork. Especially since I won't be at your house eating it. And don't get all pissed off 'cause you are shopping at 9pm and the butcher's are gone. I could pretend to cut your raw meat for you but I guarantee it won't be anything you will want when I'm done.
6. If there are toothpicks in food and you can reach it...yes it's a sample. No, you don't have to ask me if you can have some.
   
7. But just because it's a sample and no one is standing there while you try it, doesn't mean that you can have 10 pieces. We only sample when that batch is up. I'm not making another 5 pound bag 'cause someone ate all the samples.
8. If you don't see any samples out, that means there are none. No. I'm not making anymore. If you can shop at BJ'S, you have money to buy yourself some fucking lunch. Go away.
9. Just because there are chickens cooking in the oven doesn't make the 4 that are left in the warmer bad. They have a life span of 4 hours in there. And the stuff we demo of that has been there for longer than 4 hours and you eat it anyway. Don't make me throw out good chicken 'cause you want the "fresh" one.
   
10. We aren't Sam's or Wal-mart. We aren't going to discount any food just because it's close to closing time. It gets thrown out if you don't buy it. Nothing you say can change their policy. It's BJ'S. Get over it.

That should help clear up some of the "confusion".

Later.


P.S. Eventually, I will get to posting about what happened on Thursday night. I'm almost over it but still have a few issues with my "past" that I have to work out. Stay tuned!

My highway

Bunzol Highway Bewilderment Avenue 7 Childbirth Hospital 24 Fame City 44 Bankruptcity 140 Bog of Eternal Marriage 535 Please Drive Carefully

Username:

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

I was thinking that this Mother's Day would be better than the last four. I. WAS. WRONG.

Question

Can you be addicted to Jesus?



For some reason, Jim asked me that tonight. No, I don't know why. He's in a strange place, my man is.

Complete Total Randomness

Doctor's

Today I got to go to the doctor's for my annual ob/gyn appointment. It's been years since a doctor's office measured my height and today I found out that I've SHRUNK. I lost an inch off of my height. What the hell? I'm not even 30 and I'm already shrinking? That can not be good. I also had to go get my blood drawn and just like my mother, I have horrible veins. So bad that they usually have to pick a vein on the top of my hand and draw it from there. But this is only after they tried five times in my arm even though I tell them all the time that they won't find any veins without collapsing them. So by the time I walk out of there, it always looks like I've been beaten on my arms. Dumbasses. And why is it that I can't stand needles but I have two tattoo's? I can stand to watch them insert the needle but I can watch my own blood go into a tube. I'm weird.

I know Random People that always remind me of Army Boy

Yesterday while my brother and I were waiting for his duct-tape-ridin-car to get towed to the junk yard, this guy walks past us and stops next to the car and goes "Hi Bunzol." And I sit there for a minute trying to figure out who the hell this guy is cause he looks like he's about 19 years old and I really don't know too many people under the age of 23. He goes "I'm Josh. Army Boy's friend." And then it clicked. Because 6 years ago, this kid was like 13 years old, Army Boy was 16, and I was an age that I'm not telling you. You should be able to figure it out if you're smart. Anyway, why is it that everytime life lets me forget about Army Boy, fate swoops in and reminds me of him? The thing is I don't really want to talk to him but I never had any closure from our relationship and I almost need to talk to him to get him out of my mind. Sucky.

My brother made me drive him around for about 4 days and all I got was 10 bucks for gas and dinner.

Okay I'm just bitter on that part. I'll get over it.

Swans Ducks and Geese

Jen and I went to the beach the other day and further down the road where the Genesee enters into the Lake were these two huge white swans. They were gorgeous. We were able to get about 2-3 feet away from them and saw in the nest they had built six eggs that they were taking care of. They were so cute. There was also a gimp duck which was really sad but it seemed to be dealing with it's gimpy leg okay and there was this one goose that kept coming up to me looking for food. I kept hiding behind Jen because you know, she's shorter and thinner. She can protect me.

That's all the randomness for today.

Later.

The adventures of Abby - the garbage dog

Abby decided to eat some salsa last night. She ate about half the bowl before she decided "you know, this is a little spicy for me. Maybe I'll just lick all the green peppers clean and leave them." And no, we aren't trying to see how much crap she can eat before she gets seriously sick.

The post where I don't think I have anything worth saying and find out I have a WHOLE LOT TO SAY

So I haven't updated in a while 'cause mainly I don't have anything to say that I think anyone would be interested. And normally, I don't care if anyone finds anything on here interesting. But today, I want to be interesting. No one wants to see a picture of my niece licking the Carvel cake cardboard. Or do you?






That was Easter. She insisted on licking it and I didn't care and her father was okay with it 'cause she was going to go home on a sugar high. Oh, did I tell you she's going to be a big sister in September. Her mom is having a baby after 8 years. Now supposedly, Chandler was the miracle baby back in '97 because of her mom supposedly wasn't supposed to be able to carry full term but Chandler was only born a day early. So hopefully, this one is just as healthy and happy as Chandler was and is. Oh and her mom is also getting married next month. But that's another story.

I could talk about how I got the highest raise possible a week ago but since it was only a .40 raise I won't. I could talk about how I love my friends dearly but if you are going to quite your job and then complain that you can't find one afterwards and you don't know how your going to pay your bills, I kinda don't have any sympathy for you. You weren't being harassed, you didn't get a paycut; you just didn't like it. Well, guess what. I don't think there are too many people who like their jobs. They go 'cause they have to to pay bills and put food on their tables. And I do love my friends, but don't take it out on your kids that you don't have money. They didn't tell you to quit your job. In fact, they are depending on you to support them. And I do love my friends, but when I invite you over for a cook-out, I'd appreciate it if you didn't immediately get on the computer and then leave me and my boyfriend to babysit your 5 and 10 year old. I love my godsons and they love me and I love my friend but sometimes I could just shake her and and yell "What are the hell are you thinking?" Oh and it probably wasn't a good idea to tell your new landlords of 4 months that you quite your job. Maybe that's why they raised your rent. They don't want someone who doesn't have a job living in their home. Just a thought.

Now that that's out of my system, wanna see more pictures?



I made this at Jen's house over the weekend. See how pretty it is? It was so pretty that I decided I had to have my own. So on Monday, I made my own. But my had yellow frosting and sprinkles in the shape of butterfly's and flowers. I left it in the center of the table with a covering and assorted kitchen utensils around it to protect it. Yesterday I came home and all day long I had been dreaming of having cake and ice cream. So I go in the kitchen and look at everything still relatively in its same place and I pull back the wrapping and.....there's no damn cake! I look at my dog, who suddenly looks very guilty and she slowly ambles out of the kitchen and can barely make it on the couch when I realize the damn dog ate my cake. The whole cake minus two pieces from the night before. After I was done yelling at her, she had the nerve to roll on her back and show me how large her stomach was. It was rock hard from all the sugar and carbohydrates she ate. The biotch ate my cake. You think I would have learned from the 3 trillion other times she ate stuff off the table like a turkey carcass (all we ever found from that was one little bone) , 3 or 4 loafs of bread (always found the plastic bag it came in) and a medley of other things that I'm pretty sure we never knew of. She gets fed everyday but after yesterday, I don't think she's gonna get fed for a week.

Okay, so maybe I did have some things to talk about. Now I have to go clean the house and get ready for work. Yeah for Erin W. coming over and playing some Bitchin' Rummy tonight. I still gotta get Rae and Greg over for some card playing.

Later.

My Heritage

So according to Myheritage.com, I am "related" to Nicole Kidman, Nicollette Sheridan, Eva Longoria, Aaliyah, Beyonce, and some other people I don't really know. Two desperate housewives out of four ain't bad. :)

Not that anyone cares

I have an addiction to myspace.com. It has slowly been building over the past few weeks to see which friend I can find on there from the past that I haven't seen in 5 - 10 years and add them. And then, when I find them and ask to be added as a friend, I obsessively log in to see if they added me. Am I really this desperate for acceptance that I have to know right now if they consider me a friend? Good thing spring and summer is coming so that I'm not completely stuck in front to the computer screen drooling.

And what's with the bulletins that I have to always check to see if there's a new one? Is anyone else like this or am I the only retarded one out there?

Gah.

So much better than I expected

My vacation will be over in 27 1/2 hours and I so don't want it to end. The INN was doing renovations so the hallways all had patches on it and the bathroom had peeling wallpaper but there was a bottle of chilled champagne in the bedroom with two glasses and there was cable. We don't have cable and we watched Comedy Central for about three hours straight cause we're losers like that. Anyway dinner and breakfast were both fabulous and all though it was a bit chilly, we walked around the grounds watching the sun sparkle on the water.

The bed was fabulous. We have a full size bed at home and the bed at the inn was a KING. Oh the room to move around. It was the first time in about a year that I slept through the night and didn't get elbowed in the face. It was great. We didn't do too much else but stay in the room and I'm not going into details but let's just say this is the 2nd time in about 2 weeks my muscles hurt. Good times people. Good times.

There was a wedding going on there and Jim and I jokingly thought about crashing it but we decided we would probably get caught and we figured we could get drunk without getting caught in the hotel room. I had two glasses of champagne...Jim drank the rest of the bottle. It was fun and I'm still kicking myself for not bringing the camera. Oh well, hopefully I won't ever develop dementia and will remember this weekend for a very looooooooong time.

The weather is gorgeous outside today so I'm off to take rent to the landlord and to take Abby to Cobb's Hill to run around and be outside.

Later.

3 days left out of a 4 day vacation

So right now I should be packing for our overnight "vacation" at this place. But we just woke up and I really want a cinnamon sugar bagel from Bruegger's. Oh well. In case anyone is wondering we have the "INN" love package which sounds cheesy but like a true Bunzol that I am, we just want the free food. So hopefully we'll stuff ourselves silly so I won't have to go buy groceries until Monday which would be really good since I don't really have any money anyway.

Basically, all I really want to do today is sit my fat butt in my recliner and play Kingdom Hearts 2 until I beat it. Bah.

Goals

So I have some goals that I need/have to accomplish by this time next year for my own sanity.

They are:

• quit smoking by May 1st
• walk the Marathon June 1st
• finish paying Jim $ I owe him by the end of October
• get a better job
• move out and away from Jim 'cause we decided that was best
• find an apartment that takes dog for cheap or find a roommate and an apartment that takes dogs

God help me.

It's so rare that it happens i had to blog about it

I'm in a absolutely positively unbelievably good mood.

That is all.


:)

the bad and the good

The bad news: I didn't get that job that I had applied for.

The good news: I'm not giving up hope that one day I will leave BJ's forever.

The bad news: I still don't have any extra money coming in.

The good news: I'm still able to pay my bills each month.

The bad news: Work called me at 9:30am to see if I could go in early. (I'm not.)

The good news: Because I was awake, I was able to check myspace.com and see that an old friend contacted me! I missed her sarcasm and wit and am really excited to be back in touch with her again. Priceless!

my soul is crying inside
I walk around showing my mask to the outside world
never let them see you scared, afraid, lonely, sad
but inside I am screaming
praying to god
Let this pain go away!
I can't live like this anymore

but no one cares
or
no one sees
cause I can't let them

the shame of putting myself on a pedestal
and falling so far down
I can't even recognize myself

I could cry for days and never stop

no one knows how desperately I want to be beautiful like her
I want to take a knife and slice the fat off my body the way they slice the fat off the steaks at a butcher's
but I can't
because that's crazy and the easy way out

I want to scream at God, Why did you take my mother?
Why couldn't you have taken me?
She was gone way too fast
I didn't have enough time to talk to her
All those years that I couldn't be bothered and now
I would give away EVERYTHING just to hug her again

He says when you gonna make up your mind
when you gonna love you as much as I do
when you gonna make up your mind
cause things are gonna change so fast

where's my fairy godmother?
she's too busy helping Cinderella get ready for her prince
Oh how I could scream at the indignity of it all
Where's my prince charming?
taking a goddamn nap on the couch
there's no ball to attend
and the glass slipper broke years ago

this is my life

Maybe I'm bitter

After living together with someone for four and a half years, I've pretty much come to the realization of what I don't want in a boyfriend/husband. I still have no idea what I do want in one but here's what I don't want:

• I don't want someone who only loves me sometimes. So you'll only take the good and not the bad? You only know how to be a "fair-weather" boyfriend? Not good enough. I need someone who will take the good with the bad. Why have you stuck around for so long?
• I want someone who is going to say "bless you" or something like it when I sneeze. I know it goes back to only loving me sometimes, but I know you're mother didn't teach you to be rude.
• I don't want someone who is not somewhat spontaneous. It's not like you have to be doing something every minute of every day but jeez, can you try to go with the flow one day a month? Does every thing have to be planned out?
• You like politics. GREAT! I have a few opinions. Let me tell them to you. Don't be so passionate about it that I can't even tell you that I agree with you on somethings. When I'm in a middle of a sentence about why I think we should leave Iraq, don't talk over me. It makes me not want to care about what you have to say.
• I have a small family here in Rochester. It's even smaller now that my dad lives 12 hours away. Try including me in some of you family time's. I know they are your family but they are also an extension of you. What makes you think I don't want to see them? And also, don't tell me the night before that you are going on vacation with them for a weekend and when I ask "Why didn't I get invited?" don't say "I didn't think you'd be able to go." Of course I can't go now, I only had a 12 hour notice. After the 5th time, it's pretty obvious I'm not wanted around.
  
• Could you maybe rinse a bowl? I'm not even asking you to do dishes. Just turn on the water, rinse out the spaghetti sauce and turn off the water. It's not hard.
• Have you ever heard of a 27 year old taking a nap every day after work? I mean every day. You're tired. Fine. But instead of sleeping on the couch where the tv and computer is, could you go in the bedroom so that I can at least entertain myself while you catch up on your oh so important beauty sleep? I really don't even care anymore that you nap. Hell, my grandfather used to take naps every day when he would come to visit. I'm pretty used to it. But freaking out cause I'm playing with the dog in the living room is a little much.
• We've had the same alarm clock for 2 years. You still don't know how to work it. Try reading the manual instead of cursing at 5:30am every morning 'cause it won't work the way you want it to. The snooze button is the largest button on the alarm. How can you not hit it?
• Don't be like "the house is a mess again." and then sit on your ass expecting me to clean it by myself. You helped make the mess. You can help clean it.
• When I'm home before you, I cook dinner for the both of us. When you're home first, you cook for yourself. Thanks! Thanks alot. Yes, I'm going to order a pizza. No, you can't have any. Does that make me selfish? Probably. Do I really give a shit? No. Not really.

Maybe it's time to live alone. What do you think?

Later.

1000 Oceans

These tears I've cried
I've cried 1000 oceans
And if it seems
I'm floating in the darkness
Well, I can't believe that I would keep
Keep you from flying
And I would cry 1000 more
If that's what it takes
To sail you home
Sail you home
Sail you home

I'm aware what the rules are
But you know that I will run
You know that I will follow you
Over silbury hill
Through the solar field
You know that I will follow you

And if I find you
Will you still remeber
Playing at trains
Or does this litte blue ball
Just fade away
Over silbury hill
Through the solar field
You know that I will follow you
I'm aware what the rules are
But you know that I will run
You know that I will follow you

These tears I've cried
I've cried 1000 oceans
And if it seems
I'm floating in the darkness
Well I can't believe that I would keep
Keep you from flying
So I will cry 1000 more
If that's what it takes
To sail you home
Sail you home
Sail you home
Sail
Sail you home

You are a Social Liberal (61% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (25% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Brutal Honesty Part Two

Almost eight years later did I rebuild my life? For the most part. Is it where I want to be? Far from it. But am I in a better place? Definitely.

My depression comes and goes. Sometimes the weather can trigger it. Sometimes PMS. Sometimes just the rhythm of life can set it off. For the most part, I'm learning to read the signs. Alot of times though I won't even realize I'm depressed until I do something unexpected. These are my signs that I'm becoming depressed:

• I want to change something about me. Usually either cutting my hair or dyeing it. Alot of times though after I've changed my hair, I will feel better.
  
• Not having any interest in cleaning my house. Now most of you who have been to my house will say "You don't like to clean you house ever." But when I'm depressed, I can go weeks without washing a single dish. I have pictures to prove it.
  
• My friends will start to annoy me. Not that they are annoying but when I'm depressed I just want to be alone and I want to be in seclusion. Which is actually worse for me 'cause then I start thinking I don't have any friends. See how that horrible cycle starts to work?
• I'll cry off and on for days at a time.
  
• I won't be able to sleep at normal times. That's the anxiety. I won't be able to sleep at night when the sun is down but once that sun comes up, it's dreamland but for only 3 or 4 hours at a time.
  
• I just stop wanting to have conversations. I'm in my own little land. It feels like I'm the only one in the world who is feeling this way and I don't think anyone has ever felt this sad in the entire world.
  

So you are probably wondering how do I get myself out of this state. It depends on how far down in the hole I've allowed myself to get. Sometimes it can be as simple as reading a funny email. Other times I have to force myself to interact with people. I have to force myself to get out of bed, shower, walk the dog, go grocery shopping. And alot of times, I'll be doing all of this with tears running down my face. But I have to remind myself that this will pass. I have to get through it because there is no other alternative. Not anymore.

This is my life. There are still things I want to do with it. I have to remind myself that I do have family and friends who love me and want me to be well. That I'm not alone and that it will get better. Do I think I'm "recovered"? No. I'll always have this until I'm old and gray. But do I feel better than I did three days ago? Yes. I finally started to do the dishes yesterday. Will my depression ever pull me down again? Sure. Will I perserver and pull myself back up into the sunlight?

Absolutely.

Brutal honesty Part one

I am not well. I have been sick for two weeks now. It's really not anything I can go to the doctor's for. They have done what they can so far. This is something that only I can make better. I have a disease know as depression. Yes, it is a disease. It is something I am learning will never go away although once upon a time, I thought it would.

My depression and anxiety (let's not forget the anxiety--it goes right along with it), reared it's ugly head back in January of '98. I was living with my parents and my ex-boyfriend in the same house. My ex and I still shared the same bed which was pretty much fine with him 'cause, well, he turned out to be gay. Why did we all let him stay? Because 1. he was still in high school and had no where to go. 2. We were suckers. Anyway, two days before my 21st birthday back in '97, we broke up. He had been my first love and we had dated for 2 1/2 years. I was devastated at the time. I thought my world was going to end. Fast forward 5 months to Jan. '98 and I was a mess. (I had had one boyfriend during this time but it had only lasted a month. He couldn't figure out how I could still live with an ex and I couldn't explain it to him so we broke up.) Crying all the time, bitter and angry at the world. (Kinda like right now.) I was positive that no one would ever love me again. How could anyone love something as grotesque as me? (This is how I see myself when I'm in this cycle) The worst part was watching him fall in love again. Now I'm not going to go all Brokeback Mountain or anything, just being honest. He had two loves in 5 months and I was bitter and pissed. I was angry at him and angry at myself. I wanted to hurt him, to make him feel some of the pain he made me feel. I started picking fights with him. And not just verbal. We were in a crazy place and I wasn't making it any easier. I'm not proud of myself, but we would get into fist fights. The night that finally pushed me was a night that I didn't have any cigarettes. I know, pretty insignificant fact. But it was enough. I was in so much emotional pain that night that I didn't know which way was up.

He was getting ready to go out and I just wanted to scream and yell, you know. Get some of the hostility towards him out of my body. I don't remember the exact details but I know that I threw a cordless phone at him and we just started wrestling. I broke a finger. During this fight, my parents came home and that was it. They called 911 and saved my life.

I was in Rochester General Hospital for a week in the psychiatric ward. (On a side note, when I was in emergency, the lady next to me was really crazy. She kept talking about how she was the devil and she had cigarette's up her vagina and a lighter up her ass. I kept praying that she wasn't in the room next to me once I was admitted.) I was on suicide watch and screamed at my doctor's that I wanted to go home. Room checks every 15 minutes. I remember this one guy the first day I was there, getting down on all fours and barking at me like a dog. I headed straight back to my room. I was defiant and didn't want to leave my room. Somehow though, the nurses got through to me that I needed to participate. It was all very structured. Wake up at 7am, breakfast at 8am, arts and crafts at 9am, group participation at 10pm and so on and so on. Tony and his friend came once to visit me. That was enough for him. He couldn't handle it. He did still love me in his own way, just not the way I wanted to be loved. He moved out while I was there.

About four days into my involuntary stay, I was taken off suicide watch and allowed to go outside and breathe fresh air and smoke a cigarette. Now here's the weird part. We were allowed off of the psychiatric floor. By ourselves. To go outside. To where the city buses pick up and drop off. We wore our own clothes while we where there, no open back gowns for us. What in the hell kept us from getting on that bus and leaving? Maybe it was the trust issue. Maybe it was the fact that we felt safe from ourselves for the first time in a long time. We always went back inside. Three days later, I was released from the hospital. It was very scary to leave a place that I knew what was going to happen. Outside, I had to deal with life. Inside, I just had to go through the imitation of life. It was time to put the coping mechanisms into practice.

It was time to start to rebuild my life.

grrrrrrrr

My job is driving me crazy. I feel trapped with no place to go. If I don't get a new job soon, I'm seriously gonna go ape-shit. I have no training for anything else though because my intelligence has dropped about 80 points since I started working there and I am no longer qualified to do anything other than say "How would you like that sliced? Thin or regular?" Dear god, help me find a new job soon before I become postal.

Happy Anniversary to me!

I was just going through my archives and realized that this week is my two year anniversary of having this blog. Alot has changed but oh my goodness, so much has stayed the same. I don't work for The Health Association anymore but I still work for the most evil place on earth (bj's). I'm still dating Jim but my dad and extended family moved to Chicago. I no longer have my Kia but I now have a car I don't have to make payments on. My credit is still bad but it is getting better. My ass hasn't gone back to school but it is still wanting too. Now I just have to decide what I want to do. It changes about every week. My weight, like the gas prices, has gone up and down. I still love frogs but I decided I have too many and donated alot of them. Although I still have every one anyone has ever bought/given me. I wonder what the next two years will bring. Any one have any fortunes for me? Tell me!

4 glasses of Shiraz last night

I have a slight headache. I wish it was worse so that I can call in to work today. It's my 7th day there in a row and I swear I might hurt someone. Although after talking to the home office Human Resources lady yesterday about how the managers screwed me over two weeks ago, I do feel a lot better...or maybe the wine had something to do with that. It should be interesting at work today to say the least.

So I'm getting back close to $1000 from my taxes and I have some ideas on what I'm gonna do with it. Pay two bills which will equal about $600 (but at least they will come off my credit report!) and then the rest is for me. I know that I want to buy a large stock pot to make large amounts of chili and stew in so I can freeze them and I want to buy a dresser. Jim and I have been sharing a 4 drawer one for 2 years and there are just clothes everywhere in our room. It's just not enough. There really aren't too many things I need. For once, I'm gonna have some money and not spend it all in a week. That will be nice.

What will be even nicer will be having a day off tomorrow and Thursday. Woohoo! 2 days off in one week. Thank you BJ'S god. I wish the rest of the week wasn't nights since that was so NOT what I signed up for but thank you none the less.

I finally have something to look forward to. Jim won a overnight package to Canandaigua Inn on the Lake. We are going in April and I'm very excited. It'll be so nice just to have time to ourselves without any interruptions. Just got to find someone to walk the brat while we are gone which shouldn't be too hard with my brother right down the street.

Ugh, I have to start getting ready for work.

Later.

Short and Sweet

Bad news:

I still hate BJ'S with a burning passion. Although it's new and shiny, it's not shiny enough to distract me from the problems that are worse than before we moved. I would rather enjoy being covered in honey and a swarm of bees let loose on me.

Good news:

I just did my taxes and I'm getting back alot of money. And I have no enthusiasm to spend it although I'm sure that will change in a week or two.

Later.

I am so freakin' miserable and angry right now I want to punch someone. I hate my job mainly 'cause I don't have one. Don't get me wrong I still work at BJ'S. I just don't have a job title anymore and no one will tell me why I no longer have that job title or what my new mission in that hell is. So basically, I'm starting to look for a new job. Do I think I will get one? Probably not. Do I have any skills for anything else since that place lowered my I.Q. by 30 points? Nope. So essentially, I should just get myself fired somehow and collect unemployment. I hate everything at the moment.

Comedy of Errors

Good god, two posts in one day! Don't anyone have a heart attack.

Anyway, with the scheduled closing of the old building at work tomorrow night and the opening of the new one on saturday, let's just say that it's been a bit like a sitcom at work but totally without the laughter since it's all happening for real. Anyway in list form, here's the great "BJ'S move of '06!"

• Home office forgot to apply for our new beer and liquor license. Hope no one plans on buying any alcohol from us for the next 2 months 'cause that's how long it's gonna take to get it

• As of today, there are still no carts at the new building. We open in approximately 52 hours and there won't be any carts to put stuff in. I can just see our cashiers having to follow our members around with a large box while they do there shopping.

• We were supposed to get our damages out of the building by today. I got them all set up for UPS tags yesterday and the damages supervisor was going to go in at midnight to do them so they would be set for today. Last night she called to make sure they were done and ROBERT told her that I had left a note saying they weren't done so she didn't go in to work. Even though there was a huge pile with the tags there, he told her no so guess what? There is still damages in the building.

• Most of the departments at home office know that we are moving Sat. However, some clueless departments are still asking why we aren't getting things fixed. Um, hello? You're home office. You're supposed to know what's going on waaaaaaaaay before we do. Asshats.

• We have senior managers from other clubs helping us out for the next couple weeks and they are a couple beers short of a 6 pack themselves. I just started this new position a month ago, only got 1 half a day of training and they are asking me how to do stuff in the computer. How did you get to be a manager without doing any of this stuff?
  

• Now we currently have three clubs in the Rochester area. Victor pretty much gets the Fairport/Victor rich people area. Webster gets the Irondequoit and Webster area and our club gets the Greece, city, Henrietta, Brighton and anything south of Rochester. But when Victor opened 8 years ago, they pulled away alot of our business because for the most part people in that area are more well off financially. So anyway, home office in their brilliance decided to open ANOTHER club in our area out in Greece. We don't need anymore clubs. If for the mere fact alone that during the opening of this new one, no one knows what they are doing. Oh well, as long as I continue to get my 35 hours a week I guess I'm happy.

Okay I'm done bitching mainly because I can't remember what other stupid shit has gone on at work. But when I do remember you know I'll tell you.

Later.

my confessions taken from slizbrat

[x] I'm afraid of silence.

[x] I Talk ALOT when I get really nervous.

[x ] I am really ticklish.

[ ] I'm afraid of the dark.

[ ] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.

[x] I Can't sleep in a room if the door is open

[ ] I am homosexual.

[x] I believe in true love.

[ ] I've run away from home.

[ ] I listen to political music.

[ ] I collect comic books.

[x] I shut others out when I'm sad.

[x] I've stayed out all night.

[x] I open up to others easily.

[] I am keeping a secret from the world.

[] I watch the news

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs

[x ] I love Disney movies.

[ x] I am a sucker for blue eyes

[x] I am a sucker for brown eyes

[x] I am a sucker for green eyes

[x ] I don't kill bugs.

[x] I curse

[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.

[x] I've slipped and fell in public.

[] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.

[ ] I love Spam

[x] I bake well.

[x] I have worn pajamas to class.

[ ] I have owned something from Abercrombie.

[x] I want a better job.

[] Talked on a phone for 5+ hours.

[ ] I love Dr. Phil

[] I like someone.

[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.

[x] I am self-conscious.

[x] I love to laugh.

[x] I have tried alcohol.

[ ] I drink alcohol on a regular basis.

[x] I have tried a cigarette.

[x ] I have smoked a pack in one day.

[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.

[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.

[x ] I can't swallow pills.

[] I have a lot of scars.

[ x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.

[x] I love chocolate.

[] I bite my nails.

[] I am not comfortable with being me.

[ x] I play computer games when I'm bored.

[x] Gotten lost in the city.

[x] Thought of suicide before.

[x] Seen a shooting star...

[ ] Had a menage a trois.

[x] Gone out in public in my pajamas.

[ x] Have kissed a stranger.

[x] Have kissed someone really strange....

[] Hugged a stranger.

[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of the same sex.

[x ] Been in a fist fight.

[] Been arrested.

[x] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose.

[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.

[] Made out in an elevator.

[ ] Swore at Liberace.

[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose

[ ] Been skydiving.

[ ] Been bungee jumping.

[ ] Gotten stitches.

[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.

[x] Bitten someone.

[x ] Been to Niagara Falls.

[x twice!!] Gotten the chicken pox.

[x] Crashed into a car.

[ ] been to Japan.

[ x]ridden in a taxi

[]Shoplifted.

[ ] Been fired.

[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.

[] Stole something from your job.

[x ] Gone on a blind date.

[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach

[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

[ ] Been to Europe.

[x ] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee.

[ ] Been married.

[ ] Gotten divorced.

[x] Saw someone/something dying. .

[ ] have a list of people you want to kill.

[ x] Driven over 400 miles in one day.

[x] Been to Canada.

[ ] Been on a Plane.

[x] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[ ] Thrown up in a bar.

[ ]Eaten sushi.

[ ]Been skiing.

[] Been ice skating

[x] Cried in public.

[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.

[x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.

[x] Thought of someone almost 24/7

6 days in to the new year and already I have car problems

Today started out like any other Friday. The alarm went off at 4:45am and I was on my way to work by 5:30am. Did the usual at work...got in trouble for some stupid shit that is still pissing me off, ran around with my head chopped off, goofed off for 30 minutes...the norm. At 1:45pm, I left work and went to the bank then the gas station for some smokes, then home by 2:15pm. Went in the house, paid some bills online and then went back out to my car about 3:05pm to pick up my oldest godson from school. Started up the car, took off the emergency brake (it's a manual), popped it in reverse and proceeded to go NOWHERE. I took it out of gear and put it back in gear thinking I hadn't done it the first time and proceeded to go NOWHERE. At this point, I was a little worried. Not so much that something was wrong with my car but more of, how the hell am I going to pick up Hector at 3:20pm.

I ran in the house and called his mother and told her that I couldn't pick him up which luckily was okay because she was able to call the school right before they got out to tell him to go to afterschool rec. Immediately after I called Orlando (her ex?-boyfriend) and said "My car won't move. Fix it." And as much as I can't stand to even write this next sentence, like a knight in shining armor he was at my house in 20 minutes and was trying to drive it.

He tried reversing it, which made the car move about 2 feet and then he put it in gear and move it forward another 2 feet. While he's doing this, I'm noticing that my back wheels AREN'T MOVING. I'm thinking "holy shit, that can't be good. It's like the emergency brake is still on or something." He says " Your wheel is frozen." Huh? How the hell can it freeze when I just drove it to two different places and was only in the house for 45 minutes. Am I just lucky? Why did I pay my bills already? I have no money left. Shitfuck.

So he proceeds to take my tire off and all the parts. I'm a girl. I have no idea what makes up the part of rotating a tire. Anyway, when he got the last part off, my brake shoes FELL ON THE GROUND. Yeah, no brakes. They were completely off. And not just completely off. Broken too. Oh the joy. The happiness. He can fix those. I can buy those. It's fixable. How the hell did I not notice my brakes weren't working. Slap me like a monkey and call me clueless*. Holy shit. So we jump in his car, go down the street to Auto Zone and spend $25 on a pair of brake shoes. Now mind you, it's 20 degrees outside and the sun is going to be going down in less than an hour.

He struggles with the first set of brake shoes and while he's working on it, Jim comes home. So I go inside and try to entertain my youngest godson who didn't go to school today 'cause he was sick and he proceeds to talk to me about "Harry Potter this" and "Harry Potter that". At which point, I go back outside 'cause every day I've had this kid at my house and every day he talks about Harry Potter and frankly, I hope J.K. Rowling kills off Harry Potter in her last book just so I don't have to hear about him anymore.

Anyway, I go back outside and as I'm walking up to the driveway, Jen (the kids mother, my best friend) calls Orlando's phone as Jim's putting down the jack. As the car touches the ground, it starts rolling in to the street because the moron twins didn't make sure that the emergency brake was on. Orlando jumps in the car and slams on the brake and in the process hangs up on Jen which really isn't a big deal or all that important to the story.

So Orlando jacks up the other side of the car so that he can check the brake shoes and as he takes off the last part, the other set of brake shoes FALL ON THE GROUND. Somehow, I had been driving with absolutely, positively no rear brakes. I'm amazed I haven't killed myself yet.
And just to top off the great day, as he was putting the second tire back on the car, he noticed this shiny thing going all the way around the tire. Yeah, the metal that is in the tire, the part you should never see 'cause it's buried so far under the rubber, was showing through. I need tires. At least one to get through the winter.

But as I always tell Jim when something goes wrong: It could have been worse. It wasn't something that couldn't be fixed and luckily I had the money to fix it. Sucks I still had to spend $45 out of $75 but at least I can drive to work tomorrow. I just have to make sure to move the brick behind the tire. The emergency brake is really soft right now until I drive the car around for a bit. I don't want the car in the middle of the road while I'm sleeping.

Later.

*What the hell does that even mean?

Plans for the week. List form. As always.

Things I will get done this week:

• clean the house from top to bottom...again
• put away all the Christmas decorations
• not kill my godsons when I start to pick them up from school everyday starting tomorrow
• maybe possibly drink a glass of wine before I pass out from exhaustion (I've had a bottle sitting in my frig for a 2 weeks and I've only had one glass)
• I will go one whole week without doing something wrong/stupid at work and feeling like I can't do my job

Well, that's enough pressure for one week. Go check out the pictures from Christmas on the side bar.

Later.