Rant

I really really need a vacation from my life because right now, it has no direction. I'm doing absolutely nothing that I thought I would be doing at the age of 29. I thought I would be working in journalism, married with two kids. Instead, I'm working in a deli, single with no chance of having kids in the forseeable future. And I don't know how to change any of it. I know how to change the deli part but unfortunately there are no jobs right now in NY that I want to be doing. And to do what I want to anyway, I have to go back to school. But there's no money to go back to school because I work in a deli where I only make a little over $9 an hour. Which six years ago, would have been great. But everything is more expensive and I can barely make ends meet. I'm just miserable and fed up with my life and something drastic has to change or else I'm gonna go nuts.

I've thought about moving to Chicago to be with my dad but I don't want to leave my brother, niece and friends. Plus, it's more expensive there to live than it is here. My whole life justs feels like it's at a dead end and this is all there is for me for the rest of my life: get up, go to work, hate every second of it, go home, fight with boyfriend, go to sleep, wake up, repeat.

And when did people I went to high school with suddenly become so much more sophisticated than me? They weren't that sophisticated in high school. I feel so inadequate next to some of them, I just want to stay in bed all day. Did I not go to school the day they were handing out the awards for intellect, maturity, you have to act like you're 45 for the rest of your life? I feel like I haven't grown up in the past 8 years. I've just been stagnant. Like I don't know how to have a conversation with someone without making a joke about everything.

I'm just so frustrated with my life and the direction it's going. Erase that. The direction it's not going because it doesn't seem to be going at all.

Everything blows.

Rules

It's been a while since I've posted any rules for shopping at BJ'S. After people watching and being stuck serving these "members", I've decided that you all need to know how to act when you are at the deli/rotisserie.

1. If you are the only member there, don't take a number. We won't push the button to make you feel special that you are next. It's annoying to have to forward through 30 numbers and hear the stupid "ding dong" of the bell when we haven't had 30 people that day or in fact, in two days. Don't do it.
2. When I ask if I can help you, don't say yes and then not tell me what you need cause you haven't decided yet. I probably have other annoying things to be doing and only so much time to do them in. I don't want to stand in front of you for 5 minutes while you try to figure out what kind of ham you want. When you're actually ready, let me know then.
3. I'm going to ask you how much you want and how you want it sliced. Don't walk away after these two questions because after I slice the first slice, I'm going to show it to you to make sure it's the thinness/thickness you want. It's really fucking annoying to turn around and hold up a piece of meat in the air and to have no one there. Stay the fuck there or else I'm not cutting your meat.
4. If you have kids, don't be annoying and ask if I can give them a few "sample" slices. This ain't Wegmans. They are your kids and you know they are going to get hungry. Bring some snacks from home if you are going to be away for awhile. Don't count on us to feed your brats.
5. Don't assume that just because I have to wear a white stupid jacket that I know anything about the meat department. I don't. I work in the deli. I don't know what kind of meat you need to make pulled pork. Especially since I won't be at your house eating it. And don't get all pissed off 'cause you are shopping at 9pm and the butcher's are gone. I could pretend to cut your raw meat for you but I guarantee it won't be anything you will want when I'm done.
6. If there are toothpicks in food and you can reach it...yes it's a sample. No, you don't have to ask me if you can have some.
   
7. But just because it's a sample and no one is standing there while you try it, doesn't mean that you can have 10 pieces. We only sample when that batch is up. I'm not making another 5 pound bag 'cause someone ate all the samples.
8. If you don't see any samples out, that means there are none. No. I'm not making anymore. If you can shop at BJ'S, you have money to buy yourself some fucking lunch. Go away.
9. Just because there are chickens cooking in the oven doesn't make the 4 that are left in the warmer bad. They have a life span of 4 hours in there. And the stuff we demo of that has been there for longer than 4 hours and you eat it anyway. Don't make me throw out good chicken 'cause you want the "fresh" one.
   
10. We aren't Sam's or Wal-mart. We aren't going to discount any food just because it's close to closing time. It gets thrown out if you don't buy it. Nothing you say can change their policy. It's BJ'S. Get over it.

That should help clear up some of the "confusion".

Later.


P.S. Eventually, I will get to posting about what happened on Thursday night. I'm almost over it but still have a few issues with my "past" that I have to work out. Stay tuned!

My highway

Bunzol Highway Bewilderment Avenue 7 Childbirth Hospital 24 Fame City 44 Bankruptcity 140 Bog of Eternal Marriage 535 Please Drive Carefully

Username:

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

I was thinking that this Mother's Day would be better than the last four. I. WAS. WRONG.

Question

Can you be addicted to Jesus?



For some reason, Jim asked me that tonight. No, I don't know why. He's in a strange place, my man is.

Complete Total Randomness

Doctor's

Today I got to go to the doctor's for my annual ob/gyn appointment. It's been years since a doctor's office measured my height and today I found out that I've SHRUNK. I lost an inch off of my height. What the hell? I'm not even 30 and I'm already shrinking? That can not be good. I also had to go get my blood drawn and just like my mother, I have horrible veins. So bad that they usually have to pick a vein on the top of my hand and draw it from there. But this is only after they tried five times in my arm even though I tell them all the time that they won't find any veins without collapsing them. So by the time I walk out of there, it always looks like I've been beaten on my arms. Dumbasses. And why is it that I can't stand needles but I have two tattoo's? I can stand to watch them insert the needle but I can watch my own blood go into a tube. I'm weird.

I know Random People that always remind me of Army Boy

Yesterday while my brother and I were waiting for his duct-tape-ridin-car to get towed to the junk yard, this guy walks past us and stops next to the car and goes "Hi Bunzol." And I sit there for a minute trying to figure out who the hell this guy is cause he looks like he's about 19 years old and I really don't know too many people under the age of 23. He goes "I'm Josh. Army Boy's friend." And then it clicked. Because 6 years ago, this kid was like 13 years old, Army Boy was 16, and I was an age that I'm not telling you. You should be able to figure it out if you're smart. Anyway, why is it that everytime life lets me forget about Army Boy, fate swoops in and reminds me of him? The thing is I don't really want to talk to him but I never had any closure from our relationship and I almost need to talk to him to get him out of my mind. Sucky.

My brother made me drive him around for about 4 days and all I got was 10 bucks for gas and dinner.

Okay I'm just bitter on that part. I'll get over it.

Swans Ducks and Geese

Jen and I went to the beach the other day and further down the road where the Genesee enters into the Lake were these two huge white swans. They were gorgeous. We were able to get about 2-3 feet away from them and saw in the nest they had built six eggs that they were taking care of. They were so cute. There was also a gimp duck which was really sad but it seemed to be dealing with it's gimpy leg okay and there was this one goose that kept coming up to me looking for food. I kept hiding behind Jen because you know, she's shorter and thinner. She can protect me.

That's all the randomness for today.

Later.

The adventures of Abby - the garbage dog

Abby decided to eat some salsa last night. She ate about half the bowl before she decided "you know, this is a little spicy for me. Maybe I'll just lick all the green peppers clean and leave them." And no, we aren't trying to see how much crap she can eat before she gets seriously sick.