So I've been doing a lot of soul searching these past few weeks and here's what I've come up with. That I'm still just as fucked up as I was a few weeks ago but with more direction.
But here are some things I going to change and things I've learned about myself.
- I will be moving the first weekend of November. I will be done paying Jim in October and we can now move out without me having to worry about my debt to him. Hooray!
- I am moving in with one of two people. A friend from work who just bought a house and wants people to move in with her to help pay the mortgage. She'll let me bring my Abby so as long as her dogs and mine get along it's a done deal. If that doesn't work out 'cause of the dog, I'm moving in with my best friend cause she loves me and I love her. Why don't I just move in with her instead? 'Cause for as much as I love her and my godsons, I could possibly strangle them in their sleep on a bad day. That's why. Let's just keep our fingers crossed with the first one.
- In January, I will be going back to school. I haven't registered yet 'cause they are still doing the winter semester but that will give me time to get financial aid/loans. Plus, I was thinking about going back in like 2 weeks but I would miss a week of school from my Chicago vacation. And quite frankly, if I'm gonna miss school, I would rather it be closer to the end of the semester instead of the beginning.
- I've realized that I love music. My best friend was going through my mp3's the other day and every song she clicked on I knew the artist within the first 2 beats of the song. Growing up I used to sing all the time but when Jim and I started going out, I stopped because he told me I had a horrible singing voice. Sad that I would give up something I really enjoying doing (no matter how badly) for a man. I lost part of myself when I stopped singing. I should have never have given up something that can put a smile on my face. I'm trying to get it back.
- I've realized that there are some things in this life that really don't require such drastic obsessive thinkings about. (Does that even make any sense?) Some things really are that simple. Slowly, I am learning that I don't have to follow the crowd. I don't have to be part of the herd. I really can be my own person and be happy with myself and know that people will still be my friend even if I don't want to do something. It's the most amazing thing.
- I have 3 close friends that are the most amazing people ever. I see each of them at least once a week. The weird part? They really don't know each other that well. They've heard me talk bout each other but none of them actually hang out with each other unless I'm involved. I love my friends. They each bring out a different side of me. Is it sad that I only have 3 close friends? I don't think so. It just means I have a deeper connection with them. I love it.
- Something else I've figured out is that I'm really not that worried about having a guy in my life once Jim and I go our seperate ways. I'm sure I'll be a little sad at first and we'll still remain friends but I'm not obsessing over not having a guy in my life. This phase is all about me! I can't wait to see where this leads.