Feeling like a fish out of water

It hasn't been a week just yet and I feel so out of place. Nothing seems familiar here, although I used to be here constantly. I miss my old apartment where there was open spaces and no children. Where I knew where the garbage bags were and where the clean dishes go. When I didn't have to put my dog in her kennel when I wasn't home. How I at least had someone to come home to even though I knew we would fight. My life was predictable a week ago and now I'm trying to figure out the fastest way to get home.

I've already babysat twice this week so my roommate could go out with her new boyfriend. I'm happy that she finally has someone who is going to treat her right. I just wish I was going to wake up next to someone who loved me as well.

Do I miss Jim? Yes. I miss the Jim I fell in love with 5 years ago. Do I miss the Jim I just moved away from? No. He wasn't the same and frankly, neither am I.

Some days I feel like I can do anything and be anyone and other days, it's just a struggle to make it to 9pm. I know I can get through this...I've gotten through so much worse. I want so much to be a strong black woman like my mother was but sometimes I just feel like a little girl pretending that she fits in when all she really wants to do is hide from the world. I just want to be strong and independent and able to handle life's little and big curves.